We all try to make sense of the world. Often we find that the world have
no other sense than our own. We perceive the world like this because our
reference as an actor in the world is unavoidably a self reference. George
Kelly in 1955 in his article about personal constructs, which came to have a
huge impact on social psychology in the field we know as the theory(s) of
attribution. This study ignited a lot of interesting research, but in a general
we can state that what these studies found was that whenever our idea of Self
is involved memory, recall and attitudes are enhanced in the affirmation of a
Self that is in ongoing construction. In other words, our Self construct is
something that is at the same time experienced as elastic, but is often in need
of Self anchoring.
In my experience
the search for spiritual, sorcerous or magical initiations are following
similar rules. The pilgrim is in a phase where the Self construct is entering
into a process where a need for something particular to fill the vacant field
is sought. Magic and religion, politics and business can all be related to what
fills this field to generate a feeling of fulfilment. It is about the
experience of Self fulfilment and since the Self is always in construction we
are in need of the anchors. These anchors are rudimental matters about our
interests, physique, social statues and education and says little about who we
really are, beside bringing attention to some preferences we assume is
reflecting our Self.
This faculty of
reflecting Self take the form of Ego or what we can understand as ‘I
consciousness’. This faculty is doubly conditioned, from the environment the
organism/being is functioning within and from the silence of Self that speaks
through intuition and feelings of the ‘gut’. The Ego is often getting a bad
rap, but it is not a bad faculty, it is the faculty that enables us to identify
us as what we are and also the faculty that enables us to move effectively in
an environment. The Ego is as such important, but can at times be misplaced in relation
to Self. Since it is the Ego, the ‘I’ that is acting upon the world and experiencing
the world it can also adopt ignorance of Self. Ignorance of Self is quite
common for all human beings and we see this in the activity of the Ego to bind
things and events to the ‘I’ in such way that Self reference is worked as a
tool for solidifying our identity. So, in summary, Ego is the active, while our
Self is passive. As we tend to notice more what is acting upon the world we are
also more observant with the activities of the Ego that the Self, Ego is
mediating.
The Self is still
and silent, it is the truth of who we are and our Fate, but like God it will
always be partly veiled in mystery and enigma. The Ego is informed by thoughts,
the tunnel of communication between Self and Ego, but it is also mediated by
the world it expresses itself in, where a pulse of giving and receiving is
happening, turning our Ego into a flexible front for our Self.
In the scope of
initiation this dynamic is experienced as flashes of lighting, sweet winds and
eureka’s. What happens is that the Ego is undergoing a significant event so it
can be more true to Self and when this occurs thoughts becomes overwhelming
because we all of a sudden understand more, all of a sudden the senseless makes
sense, which calls upon emotional responses. When this occurs, we have truly
initiated something, but it is crucial that we realize that these epiphanies
are the beginning of a journey and not the sign of crown ship.
Initiation, in
truth means to embark on something, to start something, to initiate something.
It holds the idea of you, the one seeking initiation, realizing some form of
lack and in asking for initiation see fulfilment of Self by exercising your Ego.
Effective initiation will always start off an important process in the field
between Ego and Self that after the flashes of the initiatic experience calms
down one will seek to initiate one’s Self...
When the pilgrim
arrives to this crossroad where he or she asks for initiation he or she asks
that the darkness generated in the active dance of Ego in the world is
dispelled in favour of the clarity that makes the pilgrim touch Self. This
premise can be masked by searching power or submission – the proposition is yet
the same - because darkness can be exhilarating and intoxicating as it can be
humbling and confusing.
When the desire
for initiation is stated a rupture between the affirmations of Self and the
betrayal of Ego occurs, which invites the destruction of the Self construct generated
by our Ego up to this point.
This is what
happens as one asks for initiation and in doing this a field is established,
that is one of trust, hope, love and expectation where the one asking
initiation is in truth asking to see Self, but as the pilgrim is often veiled
in the darkness he or she seeks to shatter the proposition often takes other
forms. Most common is to ask for initiation because of the personal power
expected to gain from it. Secondly a reference to the calling of spirits is
brought up, often as a veiled demand for initiation.
Concerning the
search for power; indeed power can be drunk until you explode from the results
of initiation, but if you don’t have the necessary power over yourself you will
be a holed skull, dripping and leaking everywhere, unable to hold securely
anything and you will be unable to initiate your Self.
As for the second
point, the spirits are calling me. Surely callings do happen, but more frequent
is the calling of the soul that seeks sentiments written in occult colours and
seeks to fulfill these sentiments and longings by active involvement in what is requested.
In both these
cases we see the Self reference; it is about the need and vacuum of the
Pilgrim, it is almost always about Ego asking. The Ego asking, the destructive
darkness of identity, is always a construct and the Pilgrim is presenting this
darkness to the initiator to dissolve. At least this is what goes on in true
initiations. Everyone can obtain some pseudo initiation into whatever these
days, but I am not speaking of this. I am speaking of initiation as something
that shatters your soul and dispels the darkness that clouds the vision your
Ego holds of your Self. I speak of what was written at the gates of the temple
in Delphi: ‘Know thy Self’ as a requirement or at least a proposition for
embarking on the initiatic journey.
And it is here we
have a third category of Pilgrims, those who searches for knowledge so they can
better understand them Selves. They are rare. And it is these rare candidates
that are ready for initiation.
As you ask
someone for initiation you ask a lot. In presenting the wish a relationship is
established. This relationship is from a Seeker to a Master.
I am well aware
that the term Master has suffered cultural bias, but a Master is someone who
can guide you in his capacity of knowing what you seek to know. To submit
darkness to the light of a Master means that you are handing over your darkness
to someone who dissolved his darkness and thus can help you dissolving yours.
It is never about
a Master-Slave relationship in ways denigrating or abusive. It is about
admitting lack to the one you perceive being able to dispel your darkness and
fill your lack with what you need. The pilgrim needs to evaluate the Master he
or she proposes initiation in front of as much as she or he is evaluating its
own needs and lack. It still remains that the one approached for initiation
should always be approached as a Master. If you choose a pseudo master or an
abusive master this must be addressed to your lack of judgment and not the
existence of charlatans, con artists and pseudo-masters in the world.
It still remains,
the one asking tutoring becomes the submissive part in this relationship. The
Master has something to give and the pilgrim asking have something to be
filled, this being real or a product of seductive darkness providing illusions.
Still, the path is made from wrong turns and good turns, ankles broken and moss
between the toes. The first one who states Need is always the one who stays –
waiting - in the lost echo of its own Need. Who answers the echo can bring
salvation or burdens and becomes the Master of both. The Master doesn’t need
the question as much as the Pilgrim needs the answer... but it is in the
approach we discover who knows their shit and those who are shit and we see who
is the guide and who is the tyrant of a myriad souls.
The very request of
asking initiation should be delicate, vulnerable and painful – if it is not; it
was not a request, but a demand, done because you wanted power to your Self
construct... and that is never good, because in the demand you become a solipsist
tyrant of your own existence, the sole owner of your own darkness.
So measure well
why you ask for initiation and who you ask it from. One hand may meet another
hand – or not. A master found that don’t
take your hand might lead you to the one eye that can truly see you and hold
you. What you want might not be what you need, and in this way we erect mirrors
of reflection so we can shatter our love for Self affirmation. Doing this we
can break down in simplicity and humility where our naked soul calls out to be
clothed and dressed piece by piece as the Self sizzles in the darkness calling
that secret harmony that bring kin to recognize kin, it be as a Knight, Beggar,
Queen or King seeing you for what you really need so Ego can at last recognizes
Self...